tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-333607622012-01-29T05:29:25.034-08:00Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.comBlogger1641100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-54475845655317348302008-06-03T22:24:00.000-07:002008-06-04T07:51:44.169-07:00

I've been waiting for this day for almost 16 months. We are the change. And we will prove it in November. And on January 20, 2009, as President Obama is sworn into office, I will cry with pride, hope and a fervent belief that all things are possible. If we want them to be.UPDATED: Senator Barack Obama will give his nomination acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention on August

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com64tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-4919271266189602412008-04-08T23:18:00.000-07:002008-04-08T23:18:41.134-07:00

At 2:35 pm this past Wednesday, the Tribble was born. Lovely labor (yes, I just said "lovely"), easy delivery (yes, I just said "easy") - all in all, a picture-perfect experience (and we have them - the pictures, that is). One-hundred and eighty degrees from my experience with Max, which was painful, hard and excruciating. With my first-born, I couldn't sit without benefit of a donut for more

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com45tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-66481695637252303982008-03-28T11:48:00.000-07:002008-03-28T11:56:26.145-07:00

He's not here yet. Am beginning to think this is foreshadowing of a similar experience we'll have 20 or so years from now, when we're trying to evict him from the damn house already gently encourage him to move out into the big, wide world. Perhaps a crowbar and some vaseline would be of some assistance here, hmm?He's due on Monday. If he's still a no-show as of Wednesday, I'm booked that

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-82428789851146373592007-12-17T21:25:00.000-08:002007-12-17T21:36:17.549-08:00

My apologies for worrying some of you - not my intent, although that was the effect. I'm simply overwhelmed, drowning and crushed in other areas of my life right now and something needed to suffer. Blogging (both reading and writing) was an easy victim.I hope to post again at some point, but who knows.For those of you who posted comments or wrote to me personally, thank you for caring.

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-91020418758800194752007-10-19T15:06:00.000-07:002007-10-19T16:29:28.916-07:00

At least that's what I thought several times over the past 5 years, when Max had a nasty head cold and needed some relief. The medications give specific dosage instructions for ages 2 to 6. My pediatrician would also tell me how much was safe when Max was under 2.Apparently, none of them are safe. I could have killed my child following the exact instructions on the bottle. Or listening to my

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-86677057901334223292007-10-15T12:41:00.000-07:002007-10-15T12:50:17.217-07:00

August 13, 2005June 1, 2006December 21, 2006All loved, all missed. And forever in my heart.

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-91376322570243422242007-10-07T19:34:00.000-07:002007-10-07T19:37:02.939-07:00

Just back from the London trip. Tired. Will write more when I can string words together into a coherent sentence. And when I recover from 19 hours of travel. Whee.

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-84781903324349328962007-09-21T16:00:00.000-07:002007-09-21T21:06:04.674-07:00

I've been searching for a way to say this for a week, but I can't find a clever, smart or droll way to say it. Maybe because it's hard to be funny and flippant about something you feel so deeply. I can only be nakedly truthful.From the bottom of my Jewish, French (both Canadian and European), German, Czech, Scottish, English and American heart...Thank You.Thank you for being the most supportive

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-81413582988154158352007-09-14T15:11:00.000-07:002007-09-14T15:19:23.205-07:00

Douglas Adams and Deep Thought were wrong. The answer to Life, the Universe and Everything is not 42. It's 46.That's how many chromosomes the Tribble has. Not 47, like the baby we lost in August 2005, and the baby we lost in June 2006 and the baby we lost in December 2006. But 46.Blessedly, beautifully normal. And it's a boy.I can breathe again. But it's a little hard through the sobs of

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com55tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-50833164937825767232007-09-12T22:22:00.000-07:002007-09-12T21:58:50.284-07:00

Yesterday went as well as we could have hoped. The ultrasound started and my anxiety drained away as I watched the screen. The baby was moving this time, thank G-d, in marked contrast to our experience last December. The procedure itself was anti-climatic and relatively painless.An odd coincidence added to our feeling of well-being: we saw Max's labor nurse. She's no longer in L&D at the

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com38tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-57452702785348473832007-09-07T14:43:00.000-07:002007-09-07T21:43:35.967-07:00

The Tribble looked good today, measuring 11w1d. Not getting her/his funk on, though, like Wednesday's show, which of course put my Miscarriage Worry-O-Meter all atwitter. But the RE was very nonchalant and I guess his unconcern should be comforting. (It's not.) If he'd seen anything worrisome, I'm sure my date with the dildo-cam would have lasted longer than 38 seconds. (Or so I keep telling

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-2603643195212901972007-09-06T17:47:00.000-07:002007-09-06T17:52:15.342-07:00

Please go visit my blogging buddy, SaraS-P, and give her all the love and support you can spare. She's going through a terrible time right now, and some people who should be helping her are stupidly, blindly hurting her.

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-90152158121557297482007-09-05T09:29:00.001-07:002007-09-05T15:21:22.691-07:00

Laying in bed this morning trying to pull out of an extraordinary somnolence. Only to feel a weird sharp pain on my right side (and no it wasn't ligaments, since I wasn't moving even a hair at the time). Followed 15-20 minutes later, after I'd managed to get upright, by a trickle, or a bit more than a trickle but not a gush, of clear fluid. Shades of my first miscarriage. Fuck.I haven't

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com59tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-2751350701744496642007-09-04T07:59:00.001-07:002007-09-04T08:02:19.989-07:00

They really needed a study to figure this one out? And how many mouths could have been fed, bodies clothed, families sheltered and children educated for the money wasted on this absolutely pointless bit of statistical masturbation? I'm speechless. I am without speech.

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-46173415437303699622007-08-30T07:12:00.000-07:002007-09-03T15:59:15.223-07:00

I just won the Superbowl and now I'm going to Disneyland!Only one of those things is true. I'll leave it up to you to guess which one.By the way, why did G-d think it was funny to make the high temperature in the San Fernando Valley 101 yesterday? And today? And tomorrow? I shudder to think what it will be in Anaheim.Enjoy your holiday weekend. Me, I'll be melting in a packed corner of

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-24709643143136798042007-08-27T15:12:00.000-07:002007-08-27T16:46:30.584-07:00

Hurdled. Is that even a word?At the ultrasound today, the kid waved at me - a little "Hey there, howya doin'?" Which is totally what my kid would do, given his double-shot of Philly genes. Tribble measured 9w6d, exactly one week's worth of growth. Heartbeat looked and sounded awesome - they put it on speakers in the exam room and it was the best doctor's office music I've ever heard.And now

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-23682496511270326512007-08-24T11:39:00.000-07:002007-08-24T11:40:05.923-07:00

The Neurotic: Feeling chilly, takes temperature - 98.8. That's low, too low. It shouldn't be that low, especially with the progesterone artificially elevating it. Reviews symptoms - breasts less sore, more energy today, less nauseous, overwhelming feelings of loss and despair. It's over, it must be over. Calls OB's office.Nurse W: We can schedule you for an ultrasound on Monday at 9:45am.

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-66055333024866038812007-08-23T09:35:00.000-07:002007-08-23T21:45:15.346-07:00

A black window of time. By my reckoning, I'm 8w5d today. By the measurements of Monday's ultrasound, I'm 9w2d. Between those dates we've lost two, the first and the last. Only the middle child made it past 9 weeks, but not to a good end.I think about the possibilities, the probabilities at night, when everyone is sleeping, and the only sound is the rushing wind of the white noise machine. I

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-79573338851895985972007-08-20T13:21:00.000-07:002007-08-21T17:35:16.403-07:00

I had my follow-up ultrasound with the RE today. I refuse to let them draw blood before the ultrasound because, well, what's the point if my next step is to schedule a D&C? Ditto with the CVS testing. I haven't scheduled that yet, either. Or the standard set of pregnancy blood work, even though I've had my OB's order since last Thursday. All of the poking, fluid-drawing and testing would be

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-37983239807810600512007-08-17T09:32:00.000-07:002007-08-17T09:39:14.188-07:00

78% GeekHow Geek are you?

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-18552470235100047252007-08-15T18:39:00.000-07:002007-08-18T20:24:31.921-07:00

I'm a great believer in the power of positive thinking, prayer, good thoughts, whatever the hell you want to call it. Not that I think people cause their own despair (the bullshit at the bottom of The Se.cret, but I think mental energy is just as important as physical energy. And just like physical energy, mental energy can move things, make things happen.My SIL is in emergency surgery right

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-78986167435888272372007-08-13T12:34:00.000-07:002007-08-13T12:34:54.556-07:00

At least that's what I think it was when I saw it earlier this evening. Fluid that wasn't clear or milky (which I know is normal), but more on the yellow-to-orange end of the spectrum. No pink or red, but I'm worried that what I saw is what passes for a mucus plug at this early point, and the more ominous colors of the rainbow aren't far behind.The spotting is gone now, and we're back to the

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-62998224216425852402007-08-10T18:05:00.000-07:002007-08-11T07:26:08.952-07:00

Relieved, ecstatic, joyful and thrilled does not even begin to describe how we feel at this moment. And the measurement now matches mine - 6w6d.DocD's words: "This is super fantastic. I couldn't ask for anything better." And she said I could come in for follow-up ultrasounds any time I want. Any. time. I. want. And she meant it. Doctor Despair just morphed into Doctor Delightful.I'm

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-49526373589574688532007-08-09T17:58:00.000-07:002007-08-09T18:06:24.004-07:00

I have to admit, I was a little surprised. I did a Myers-Briggs about 4 years ago, and I was an INFJ. Maybe Judging is something I'm doing less of as I get older. And since it was always the least attractive aspect of my personality, I hope it's a trend that continues.

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-17982499341985927262007-08-07T19:09:00.000-07:002007-08-08T13:11:08.856-07:00

The good news: We saw a heartbeat and the dating was right where I estimated it to be. (Based on my CD18-19 ovulation, I expected to be 6w2d or 6w3d. The embryo measured 6w2d.)The bad news: The heartbeat was slow. The doctor didn't even measure it. (I don't know if that was because she thought it was too early, or didn't want to give me - with my advanced degree in Miscarriages - too much

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-71863831197058550622007-08-05T19:47:00.000-07:002007-08-05T19:49:15.412-07:00

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.- Gautama SiddhartaBrilliant. Simple. Easier said than done. But then they didn't call him the Supreme Buddha for nothing.Searching for my own Buddha-nature between now and this Tuesday at 3:45pm...

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-68306041674250941792007-08-01T13:15:00.000-07:002007-08-02T16:30:27.731-07:00

Well, that was a complete waste of time.I met with Potential New Doctor #1 on Monday. To paint a picture of how it went, let me present a snippet of our conversation:Me: "Thanks so much for seeing me. Most of the doctors I called wouldn't do interviews."PND#1: "Well, it wasn't my idea. The doctor I started practicing with did them, so I did them. And I never got around to stopping."Me: "Erm..

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-79579842955784761062007-07-30T09:43:00.000-07:002007-07-30T09:44:01.283-07:00

The Shock has worn off. I no longer catch myself thinking of this pregnancy with surprise or a sense of disbelief. But the Joy is still there, albeit muted by another emotion: Fear.My therapist asked me last week if I feel any different about this pregnancy, more hopeful. I said I do feel different, but that's not a comfort. We were confident that everything would be fine with pregnancy #2

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-53546474943829985342007-07-26T14:15:00.000-07:002007-07-26T14:16:03.174-07:00

I don't have a doctor right now. I know what you're thinking: What infertile (even secondary infertile) in her right mind would not have a doctor? Um, that would be me.I did have a doctor at one time. (I don't want everyone thinking I performed those D&Cs on myself under local anesthesia and with a strategically placed mirror and something to pin my legs back. I realize that only the getting

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-47864900900293909202007-07-24T19:52:00.000-07:002007-07-24T07:52:40.578-07:00

June 20: CD1. My joy is boundless (and my sarcasm more so).June 21-28: We took last month off ("Don't Touch Me, I'm Ovulating!"). Should we get back on the DIY train? Yeah, why not. But just the Cle.arBlue Easy Fer.tility Monitor so we can time things. No temp taking. No spit examining. No fluid checking. Simply press the little button on the Cle.arBlue Easy Fer.tility Monitor to see if I

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com51tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-42388983760558859692007-07-23T10:53:00.000-07:002007-07-23T10:53:22.690-07:00

Now that I have most of the basic asanas down, I need to learn these. Wish me luck, won't you?p.s. Yes, this means what you think it means.

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-9994037295201154572007-07-23T08:00:00.000-07:002007-07-23T08:04:00.446-07:00

If anyone knows how to get rid of that g-d damn "[+/-] Read More" code at the bottom of every single one of my posts, please let me know. It's not in my blog template and it's not in my post template. Blogger has responded to exactly ONE of my emails asking for help, and it was to give me stupid advice that did not work.It is making me insane.And if I can't fix it, I will be moving to Wordpress

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-39064327598628019862007-07-20T10:15:00.000-07:002007-07-20T10:19:35.282-07:00

I've been very patient. I've ignored the early reviews (shame on you NYT and Baltimore Sun!). I've refrained from looking for the bootleg files and downloading them so I could finally (FINALLY!) know what happens. I've been a very good girl.But my patience is at an end.12:01am can't come soon enough.

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-16678719085953547692007-07-17T15:21:00.000-07:002007-07-17T15:22:10.735-07:00

I've always believed in ghosts.When I was small, I convinced myself that a ghost lived in a green wicker basket on the top shelf of my clothes closet. At night, to avoid the ghost's awareness, I made myself as inconspicuous as possible, covered from head to toe with sheets and blankets, with only my mouth and nose exposed to facilitate respiration. I don't know what I thought would happen

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-14812222753752714982007-07-14T19:50:00.000-07:002007-07-14T19:50:17.773-07:00

I've had something in my mind for awhile now. It pops up from time to time, and I let it swirl around in my head a bit before it drops back beneath the waves of other thoughts and feelings: Maybe It's Time to Stop.Maybe it's time to stop feeling that sharp guttural pain when another friend announces her first, second or third child. Maybe it's time to stop ordering my life around when I'm

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-89196939269553553842007-07-11T09:08:00.000-07:002007-07-11T09:13:52.359-07:00

Especially when Sting self-indulgently mucks about with the song arrangements.I was 14 in the summer of 1983 - "too young" to attend concerts without parental supervision. I'd managed adult-coverage for Rick Springfield, Queen and the Journey Jam (a veritable 80's music orgasm - Bryan Adams opening for The Tubes opening for Sammy Hagar opening for John Cougar Mellencamp opening for Journey).

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-5209804005729288362007-07-06T20:48:00.000-07:002007-07-06T20:49:30.073-07:00

When you treat someone badly enough, for long enough, they will walk out on you. Make no mistake.Take my Body, for instance.I smoked for almost 20 years. I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, my weight see-sawing from Hot Damn, I'm Thin to Crap, Where Are My Fat Pants? To achieve Hot Damnness, I would whittle my diet down to a midday splurge of diet soda, pretzels and cigarettes. Fat

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-55073315160512464642007-07-04T13:03:00.000-07:002007-07-04T17:00:21.572-07:00

Today's New England Journal of Medicine: Preimplantation genetic screening did not increase but instead significantly reduced the rates of ongoing pregnancies and live births after IVF in women of advanced maternal age.I have only one, deeply eloquent thing to say: Fuck.

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-89373041886189258902007-06-07T18:37:00.000-07:002007-06-07T21:36:04.418-07:00

Today's the Day. The monitor went from Low to Peak without warning today, and we should be gearing up for That Which Must Be Done. Because sperm are not going to miraculously find their way into my fallopian tubes just by wishing on a star, a unicorn or a little voodoo doll I've made from used OPK sticks, my last successful chart and fertile saliva.But I took one look at that monitor this

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-23252583560211647512007-06-03T19:28:00.000-07:002007-06-03T19:29:47.887-07:00

A brief conversation with Hubby this weekend:Me: I can't get that damn song out of my head. You know the one. The one with the guy from Creed and that girl from Evanescence.Hubby (showing off his music exec chops): Actually, it's not Creed. It's Seether, with Amy Lee from Evanescence. You mean "Broken."Me: Yeah, that one. I keep hearing it over and over again on a continuous loop. Not the

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-2938115089564966982007-06-01T22:33:00.000-07:002007-06-01T12:16:05.004-07:00

Dear Ava,One year ago today, I lost you. No, that's not right - it's not as if I put you down somewhere, but now I can't remember where. I know exactly where I left you.I remember the cracks in the sidewalk outside the clinic, the high walls and lush greenery that hid the building. I remember how the sofas and chairs were positioned in the waiting room, relative to the front door, relative to

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com42tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-10926505237909889412007-05-28T13:56:00.000-07:002007-05-28T14:35:25.297-07:00

I've battled depression on and off my entire life. I've seen therapists by the thousands and tried various and sundry prescription and OTC remedies - I've slutted around with virtually every serotonin-reuptake inhibitor on the market, and I dated St. John and his Wort for awhile.But lately someone new has decided to join the party: Anxiety. I'd see her occasionally out of the corner of my eye

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-36848199757457915092007-05-22T22:28:00.000-07:002007-05-22T22:28:41.301-07:00

MEME INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot.1. Doggy Mama 2. Life Lemons3. Thinking Out Loud4. Are We There Yet?5. Max's MommyNext select five people to tag:I'm late to the party, and it feels like everyone's gotten this one already. If not, consider yourself tagged.What were you doing 10 years

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-47660295827664629312007-05-22T10:36:00.000-07:002007-05-22T12:03:50.931-07:00

Our program is experiencing technical difficulties. Please tune in later when we will resume our regularly scheduled programming. Thank you. (And damn you, Blogger, I did not hit Publish Post!)

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-83561330196168181672007-05-21T16:15:00.000-07:002007-05-21T16:16:11.134-07:00

I think I was pregnant this month. But now I'm not.And that's a good thing.Back before Dead Baby Number One, I was naive about my cycles. I still had that New TTC Smell. If I was pregnant, it must be good. After all, that was the ultimate goal. And nothing could go wrong once sperm met egg, and the resulting blast nestled in for the next 38 weeks or so. Or so I thought, when I still had

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-22923502376244968662007-05-19T23:23:00.001-07:002007-05-19T23:23:42.309-07:00

Usually, when someone asks me why I don't want to do one thing or another, I can tell them. On why I'd prefer not to eat at a sushi restaurant: Squid, eel and sea urchin (Isn't that enough?). On why I'd prefer not to play in traffic: Cars and the certainty of catastrophic internal injuries. On why I'd prefer not to have the speculum put right there: Because it's damn cold.But if someone asks me

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-64479169520402017802007-05-17T22:26:00.000-07:002007-05-17T23:04:29.871-07:00

"...like the elaborations of a bad liar. " (Name the movie. Hint: The only horror movie to ever win Best Picture Damn, that was too easy. How about this instead: It spawned two atrocious sequels and one not-too bad prequel.)I've been tagged with the 8 Random Things About You meme. This is so close to the 6 Things That Are Strange About Me meme that I answered back in January that I'm having a

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-73403861844144408552007-05-15T11:08:00.001-07:002007-05-15T11:08:09.021-07:00

Don't have much to say these days. I'm in the two-week wait, blah, blah, blah. Around CD 20, my ovaries decided to come back from their smoke break and do their freaking job. Why do some people get ovaries with advanced degrees from Harvard or Yale, while I get ovaries who crack their gum while asking if I want fries with that?Hubby thinks they were waiting for him to get home from the

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-79181685934439760132007-05-08T00:22:00.000-07:002007-05-08T00:25:47.420-07:00

Team Winks recently tagged me with this meme...who am I?I am...Currently loaded tipsy from a fabulous glass of Merlot, whose grapes were most assuredly crushed by the magical tootsies of drunken fairies in a winery of the finest reputation. (I know this to be true. I have pictures. Of the Fairies. And I will post them once I Photoshop upload them from my camera.)I am...Desperately hoping that

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-19880253408632284802007-05-04T22:38:00.000-07:002007-05-04T22:41:39.233-07:00

For those of you joining our regularly scheduled programming in progress, D.I.Y. Cycle Numero Uno was a BFF (Big Fat Failure). So. For D.I.Y. Cycle Numero Dos, I brought in the I Ain't Playin' No Mo D.I.Y. equipment: ClearB.lue Easy Fertility Monitor, back-up cheapo ovulation pee-sticks, daily temperature taking, daily EWCM check and Fertile Fo.cus Personal Ovulation Microscope.One would think

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-28206117878662738052007-05-03T22:17:00.000-07:002007-05-03T22:18:08.726-07:00

A week. I disconnected from infertility blogs for a week. I did not look at them. I did not read them. (Well, there was one exception, but it was an important exception, I'm glad I made the exception, and I'd make an exception like that again. So there.) I did not post on them - on my own or on other's. (Except that exception.) And I did not think about them.Well, that last one was a

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-36861058650041606812007-04-25T20:26:00.000-07:002007-04-25T20:28:21.924-07:00

Thinking, thinking, thinking. Trying to think about something else. ANYTHING else. La, la, la, la. (Looks at the ceiling, picks at a hangnail, hums to herself in an annoyingly high-pitched whine...)Yeah, so that resolution that I was gonna stop thinking about IF all the time? Not going so well. The pint of B&J's was delish (New York Super Fudge Chunk, for inquiring minds who like to eat

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com44tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-80327696379131185962007-04-22T21:02:00.000-07:002007-04-22T21:07:42.231-07:00

I had my "consolation" dinner last night. You know the dinner I'm talking about - the one where I get to drink as many Green Apple Martinis as I like since I'm not pregnant (again), so long as the amount I consume doesn't result in me slipping under the table and onto the floor in a blubbering, sobbing, embarrassing mess.I didn't. Slip under the table, that is. But I wish I had. It would give

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-76017872676512723412007-04-21T12:08:00.000-07:002007-04-21T12:24:46.237-07:00

My good friend, Jakelliesmom has tagged me with five (well, five and a half) interview questions. Believe me, it’s not because she finds me infinitely interesting and a fascinating interview subject. (I’m about as deep as a saucer of milk). No, bless her heart, she took pity on me when I jumped up and down in her comments when she was interviewed, begging her to please, please, please (please)

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-4441278812152390402007-04-17T22:11:00.000-07:002007-04-17T22:19:58.275-07:00

With my first D.I.Y. cycle slowly circling the drain, I'm panicking freaking out re-evaluating my earlier decision to try it the fun way for three months before pulling the trigger on IVF. Am I engaging in an elaborate self-delusion? Is my controlling Type-A personality stubbornly refusing to accept reality - that there is no way that I can do this on my own, without drugs, without fertility

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-19226782730217022232007-04-16T21:20:00.000-07:002007-04-17T07:07:27.281-07:00

Do what I say, not what I do.What did I do? I Peed On A Stick at 10DPO, that's what I did. And the spot where the Hot Damn I'm Pregnant line should be? As white as my cellulite-dimpled ass.I am such an idiot. A crying, now-miserable, Hope-has-left-the-building idiot.Whenever I read blogs that agonize over the eternal question - to pee or not to pee - I gently suggest in my comments: DON'T DO

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-90729198153245312142007-04-14T16:39:00.000-07:002007-04-14T20:53:50.333-07:00

It's 8DPO (or so) and I'm slipping into the madness. What madness is that, you say? It's the Does the Fact That My Boobs Are On Fire Mean That I'm Pregnant madness. Also known as the Could That Sharp Little Twinge in My Uterus Be Implantation madness. Or the I'm Scarfing Down Every Known Carbohydrate in the Universe I Must be Pregnant madness. I could go on.You know how it is: Every pang,

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-12628627169259004022007-04-12T20:33:00.000-07:002007-04-12T20:58:51.943-07:00

For GH, Snickollet and the twins.

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-78901158062260599942007-04-10T00:01:00.000-07:002007-04-09T23:38:05.266-07:00

I've been thinking about her a lot these days, but I don't know why. Today's date is not her due date. It's not the month I became pregnant with her. It's not the first time we've tried to get pregnant again after losing her (no, we've had another loss since then, lucky us). There was no "trigger" for the thoughts, the feelings, the guilt, the anger. But like a disjointed frame intercut

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-76011226379956910482007-04-07T10:25:00.000-07:002007-04-07T10:27:43.386-07:00

There's a hole in my plan and it's big enough to drive a 2-ton tractor-trailer straight through on the express-route to Try Try Again If You Relish Exercises in Futility 'Cause This Ain't Fertility.To the untrained eye, my D.I.Y. protocol appeared flawless. Start using ovulation pee-sticks around the time I usually see a double-line. (And I started insanely early in an abundance of caution.)

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-23503709275667565982007-04-04T23:38:00.000-07:002007-04-05T18:25:07.862-07:00

"MommyDaddy, can I have special occasion tonight?"As a treat (as much for us as for him), we sometimes allow our 4-year old to sleep in our bed with us - we call it "special occasion." "MommyDaddy, pleeeaaseeee?" That was last night. The wrong night to ask because it was the right night to start our D.I.Y. protocol. "Not tonight, sweetie. I'm sorry." And then I braced myself for the storm.

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-84538928409468873742007-04-01T07:35:00.000-07:002007-04-01T07:35:17.390-07:00

I woke up this morning with a burning realization: my forehead was on fire. Not really, but it's a really cool visual when you think about it. My realization was that I've been going about this all wrong.When all things fertility went haywire I started changing things, anything, to fix it. I began drinking a daily glass of red wine when a friend swore that it helped her get pregnant after her

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-13960207575802832422007-03-29T20:39:00.000-07:002007-03-29T23:13:51.954-07:00

Welcome to a brand new episode of Things I've Learned Lately that Really Suck:1. You have to start using the diamond-encrusted Cl.earBlue Easy Fertility Monitor no later than Day 5 of your cycle or you're shit out of luck that month. My monitor arrived today. Today is Day 10. Fuck.2. Don't write about family on your blog if said family reads your blog. They will not appreciate your literary

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-88867983464163688732007-03-27T22:35:00.000-07:002007-03-27T22:38:00.186-07:00

I wanted to call this post "The Lie", but in keeping with the generic cycle-day theme I've started this month, I'll leave it as "Day Eight." I know a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds (or some such shit like that), but it feeds my sense of order. And I need a sense of order right now, any sense of order, since everything else in my life feels completely out of control.A

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-66564451034987481812007-03-24T23:23:00.000-07:002007-03-24T23:53:14.155-07:00

Since we're doing this cycle "au naturel", without an RE clinic to guide and monitor us, I had to come up with my own D.I.Y. protocol.First order of business: get a professional ovulation monitor so I'll know when I'm professionally ovulating. (These next three months are too important to trust those cheap-ass ovulation test strips that may or may not work, depending on the light, the weather,

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-71851044705363880282007-03-20T23:34:00.000-07:002007-03-20T23:35:03.688-07:00

I'm sure this will sound familiar to many, but I knew my period would show up today. Over the past 2 years and 8 months, I've become so attuned to my body's reproductive rhythms that I could tell you the exact moment (not the exact day, but the exact moment) when I ovulated this month (um, that would be March 6th at 2:32 pm PST). So I wasn't surprised to wake up to Day One today.But I was (and

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-70971497750788690302007-03-18T22:27:00.000-07:002007-03-19T00:19:40.384-07:00

I have a Secret. No, not that Sec.ret, which is the latest fascinating installment in an age-old effort to part the many from their money by offering the Answer to Everything. (You mean all I needed to overcome my infertility was to use the Power of Positive Thin.king -- oops, I mean the Law of Attrac.tion -- and I can have a chromosomally normal baby whenever I want? And I can learn how to do

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-58466645972272918842007-03-15T23:51:00.001-07:002007-03-16T00:10:11.477-07:00

Have you ever felt like you were running for a train, but the train cars were racing past you at unimaginable speed? You struggle to kick yourself into a higher gear, your breath a seething fire in you chest, your thighs screaming from the strain and your pants down around your ankles, with your pale, dimpled, moon-like ass hanging out there for all to see? That's how I feel right now. I'm

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-48965401635774061292007-03-13T12:44:00.000-07:002007-03-13T12:45:34.792-07:00

I should be happy we have a plan why do I feel like I'm staring into a huge black hole there's a weight pressing on my chest and I can't breathe my legs feel like I'm walking through wet cement I can't believe X is pregnant why can't I get pregnant oh wait I can they're just all mutants with extra chromosomes she's not that much younger than me why are her eggs okay but mine aren't it's just not

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-86695531576779749982007-03-11T22:02:00.000-07:002007-03-11T22:21:18.788-07:00

My long-awaited IVF protocol has been revealed to me, and it is...a Microdose Antagonist Protocol! It will not include Lupron, as the RE believes my problems with chromosomal abnormalities may (emphasis on may) be a result of exposure to too much LH during my cycle. (LH can screw with the first, post-ovulation meiotic division, apparently.) He hopes this protocol will "squeeze out the LH"

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-29808656431094518622007-03-08T23:50:00.000-08:002007-03-09T00:25:33.893-08:00

1. Will the gonadotropin in my protocol be made from the urine of post-menopausal nuns? Inquiring minds want to know. Because if I'm injecting something into my body, I want to know if that something TOTALLY GROSSES ME OUT.2. Just exactly how much, to the nearest thousands of dollars, will this IVF with PGD cost? Including the drugs? You can tell me. I can take it. I might not be able to

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-51484589140391858032007-03-05T22:41:00.000-08:002007-03-06T10:31:29.197-08:00

I'm not a doctor. Although I think I could play one on TV. From my experience watching one and a half episodes of Grey's Anato.my, I've concluded that I would be extremely fabulous at it. (Oh, my G*d!!! Did she just admit to watching ONLY one and a half episodes of that amazingly awesome doctor-drama??!!? There's OBVIOUSLY something wrong with her. No WONDER she can't breed!) I could do it

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-91743031518297973272007-03-04T19:45:00.000-08:002007-03-04T22:14:11.964-08:00

Standing in a cold shower this morning, I wondered if my hot water heater was simply the next in a long line of broken things in my house. Or if Hubby had flushed the toilet again without telling me (as is his wont). The water warmed up later, but it didn't stop my Clom.id-clouded brain from convincing me that my broken innards are trying to break every mechanical thing within a 500-foot radius

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-60941952350966148202007-03-02T22:30:00.000-08:002007-03-02T22:32:06.008-08:00

I've been stuck these past few days. Stuck for something to write about, something funny, witty, silly, but I can't find it in this bitter little pool I'm swimming in right now. Bitter isn't funny. Bitter is sad and off-putting. Bitter isn't nice to read. Bitter needs to keep her mouth shut.Self-pity isn't much better. Self-pity pisses and moans in her corner, turning away anyone who offers

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-86071627340439330022007-02-28T21:46:00.000-08:002007-02-28T21:49:02.480-08:00

...or How My Eggs Cracked Under Pressure.Bet you didn't know I could multi-task. Whilst coughing up at least one lung, and otherwise producing bodily fluids from my nose that should not be described in any great detail, I was also in training. At least my ovaries were - training for the most important, most strenuous test known to (IF) womankind. Yes, my friends, my ovaries and I just took The

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-66781488610679816372007-02-26T19:45:00.000-08:002007-03-01T11:17:58.928-08:00

There was a point this weekend when I wondered what the hell was going on. I think it was when I woke up on Saturday and couldn't breathe through one nostril. Curious why that would be, I took myself into the bathroom with a box of tissues and a strong will and tried to remedy the situation. It was after the first attempt...HOLY MOTHER OF G*D DID THAT JUST COME OUT OF MY NOSE????!!!...that I

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-15435995485456453802007-02-20T21:28:00.000-08:002007-02-20T21:40:53.781-08:00

Maybe, that way, too, but this time it's of the virus-variety. Remember that fever my little guy had last week? Well, as most bugs must, it's found it's way into another host (me!) and is wreaking havoc as I type (slowly, very slowly, squinting through the pounding headache, chills and one stuffed-up nostril). Once the Pestilence finds another body to bother, the (ir)regular blogging schedule

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-74136904895940546242007-02-18T21:48:00.001-08:002007-02-18T21:49:56.379-08:00

I've had a lot of time to think about it and I think my Aunt Flo looks like Tangina from Poltergeist, with a little bit of the Organist from Sixteen Candles added in for good measure (both played by the inimitable Zelda Rubenstein). In other words, scary as shit and completely wasted.As you might have guessed, given the complete lack of subtlety in my post title, AF (finally!) arrived. She

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-76789908329402135262007-02-16T21:49:00.001-08:002007-02-17T00:39:02.899-08:00

I love spam. Not that preformed, power-pressed, vacuum-sealed stuff in the so-retro-it's-kitschy cobalt blue can. (Although that, too, can be tasty when paired with the right complementary dishes. Like egg, bacon and spam. Or spam, bacon, sausage and spam. Or spam, spam, spam, egg and spam. Or...well, you get the idea.) I love the stuff that gets spindled and mutilated through my email

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-79174921853810834412007-02-15T23:05:00.000-08:002007-02-15T23:34:11.201-08:00

Nothing is funny tonight.My son is sick. Sick with the worst cold he's ever had in his 4-year-old life - a deep rough cough, flushed apple-red cheeks, mucus pouring from his nose and a high fever. It's the Fever that truly frightens me - it's peaking near 104 degrees and Tyle.nol and Motr.in are simply choking in its contrail while Fever shoots past them at MACH5. And as the walls shake from

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-70437861944822634742007-02-12T21:58:00.000-08:002007-02-14T12:00:17.752-08:00

...if Aunt Florence will show up drunk on my doorstep sometime this week, with oh-so lame excuses and blood-shot eyes.* And given how long this cycle has been, "slovenly alcoholic binge" is the only excuse I'll accept for the bitch's late arrival. (UPDATE Below!!!)I have a zit the size of Mt. Everest in the middle of my chin. It hurts when I eat. Hell, it hurts when I breathe. And it

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-14704002304393613482007-02-11T21:43:00.000-08:002007-02-11T21:38:00.498-08:00

Politics knocked on my door tonight, looking a bit forlorn. "Look," she said, "I know I'm only the third thing mentioned in your list of What This Blog is All About, but couldn't you write about me just a little? You know, so Motherhood and Secondary Infertility don't get all obnoxious about how you like them better, and why should you write about me anyway, and I'm just a smelly jelly belly...

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-58058040756058447812007-02-09T22:15:00.000-08:002007-02-09T22:23:44.718-08:00

...or If You Can Write a Totally Scary-Ass Headline, Think of the Click-Through Rate!I woke up this morning to this lovely headline on msnbc.com - Study: More Birth Defects With IVF.Aaaahhhhhrrrggghhhh! After physically placing my heart back in my chest, I clicked on the link and read a decidedly less-frightening subheadline: "Fertility therapies slightly raise odds of defects." Oh. Okay, so

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-69373715095104977862007-02-08T07:20:00.000-08:002007-02-08T19:20:12.001-08:00

Every twinge, pang and twitch has me running to the bathroom: is she HERE?! is SHE HERE??!! IS SHE HERE???!!!!??? I have never been this eager for the bitch to show up. Never never ever ever. Not even that time back in 1986 when certain equipment malfunctioned and then my cycle decided it needed a few extra days to, um, cycle, and I started to freak out a little but then she finally showed up

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-1022415689262620232007-02-05T18:51:00.001-08:002007-02-06T11:08:52.260-08:00

My 4-year old son threw rocks at another child today. And being the queen of jumping to ridiculously far-fetched and insane conclusions at the drop of a hat (or a rock), my first thought was: How does one know when one has a budding serial killer on one's hands? Is it the 5th birthday present wish for an anatomical dissecting kit that's the first tip off? Or would that seem innocuous until the

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-24518553016473190362007-02-04T08:40:00.000-08:002007-02-05T18:54:57.859-08:00

Can I get a hallelujah? An amen? A good golly Miss Molly?!? Because after a 43-day long (and I do mean looooooong) appearance it has finally, blessedly, miraculously stopped!

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-27871798961729505262007-02-03T10:00:00.000-08:002007-02-05T18:54:29.774-08:00

Oh gawd, this is funny.

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-57190354587136888602007-02-03T08:16:00.000-08:002007-02-05T18:54:05.977-08:00

Oh for the love of everything that is holy.To all my mommy friends: Wanna come over for a playdate? We can do shots everytime Tasha on the Backyar.digans says "Oh for goodness sakes!" Just like last time! It'll be a blast!

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-12768170562058370992007-02-02T23:14:00.000-08:002007-02-05T18:53:33.318-08:00

I'm fresh out of blog inspiration these days, looking at a bad, bad case of blogger's block. I'm reading all the bloggy IF goodness out there, like this, this and this, and can't find anything coherent to say. It's all been said, much better than I could ever say it, and by more interesting people than I could ever hope to be. "Damn them all, damn them all to hell!" (I so love channelling Chuck

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-88278184818493655152007-01-30T11:11:00.000-08:002007-02-05T18:52:46.305-08:00

I'm in a space right now that is so incredibly uncomfortable and painful, but I can't find the door so I can leave. With my fingers I'm frantically searching for a handle, a doorknob, a crack, anything that feels like a way out, but all I find is smooth wall, from floor to ceiling, corner to corner. The space I'm in is doubt. I'm doubting my choices - those already made, those I'm planning to

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-26298631005333816612007-01-25T20:31:00.000-08:002007-01-26T21:36:48.299-08:00

Tom Petty knew what he was talking about - the waiting is the hardest part. Now that I've found The Most Fabulous and Stupendous Reproductive Endrocrinologist Ever (MFSREE™), I want to get things moving now...now, g*ddammit, now! But there's nothing to do until my body resets itself. And it doesn't seem to be in any real hurry to do that (the lazy bitch).So what do I do with all my obsessiveness,

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-49332146429991076252007-01-24T09:59:00.000-08:002007-01-25T09:50:50.321-08:00

Vacation: everyone gets sick except me, and I do what I can to keep everyone comfortable during a nasty stomach bug.Post-Vacation: I finally succumb, but no one's around to keep me comfortable during said nasty stomach bug.Blech.

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-36784973922357533402007-01-23T13:33:00.000-08:002007-01-25T09:50:33.331-08:00

Finally. Finally, a medical practitioner who looked at us, listened to our history and didn't pat us on the head and send us off with the patronizing advice to "try, try again." He acknowledged that was one road, but not the road for us - he was concerned about scarring from yet another D&C if we failed (hadn't thought about that one!), emotional trauma (exactly, thank you for seeing that), plus

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-82518785159012372942007-01-22T20:43:00.000-08:002007-01-25T10:31:19.238-08:00

I haven't even started - really started - the IF journey and already I'm exhausted. And there are so many others out there who have been running the marathon for years, without respite, and are still going strong. And I'm ashamed by that, diminished, that I'm whining before I take my first step. But I can't help myself. I'm standing at the bottom of the mountain, looking up, and I can't see the

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-76309656040812458502007-01-20T07:05:00.000-08:002007-01-25T10:30:52.952-08:00

Team Winks tagged me a few days ago...at least I think it was a few days ago but things including time are starting to blur as the whole family is a mess with the Intestinal Bug from Hell and this has been going on for almost a week and I can no longer see straight from lack of sleep and will everyone please stop vomiting thank you. To add insult to injury, we are vacationing (hah!) back east

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-20932576384238103532007-01-10T12:40:00.000-08:002007-01-10T15:54:04.189-08:00

hypochondriac, blowing this all out of proportion, what you really need is therapy, i feel like i'm losing my mind, why was the doctor so nonchalant, maybe this isn't that big of a deal, we should try again on our own, at least i get pregnant, many other people aren't so lucky, but i'm still not having a baby, why doesn't that count, i should see another doctor, but this doctor doesn't think the

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-51635165617354016082007-01-09T20:50:00.000-08:002007-01-09T21:02:31.963-08:00

On the bright side: The RE thinks IVF with PGD would be a good option for me, given the recurrent losses from chromosomal abnormalities. If we go the IVF route, he wants me to go through a saline HSG to rule out problems with adhesions (multiple D&Cs and D&Es can do that to ya) and check my FSH again to see where we are, egg-quality-wise (necessary since the numbers we have are from April 2005).

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-18369799818717866652007-01-09T10:29:00.000-08:002007-01-09T20:14:01.233-08:00

I have my first RE appointment today (and promise a bitter-free post later on with all the details!). It has a bit of the "blind date" feel to it: I'm nervous, I don't know what to expect, and if everything works out, this person will see all my naughty bits up close and personal and on a recurring basis.This really is "day one" for me - the first day that we get serious, medical and oh so

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-41768115254638770602007-01-08T23:10:00.000-08:002007-01-08T23:12:10.714-08:00

Overheard at my son's preschool today: "Why not have a 3rd?"It was said with a little giggle, and the sureness and certainty that it would be just that easy. Want another kid? No problem. How hard can it be to get knocked-up again? For them, not hard at all. Would it were that easy for everyone.I felt physical pain as I listened to them. The question wasn't directed to me, but to an acquaintance

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33360762.post-53241614618428663102007-01-07T23:29:00.000-08:002007-01-08T23:09:58.300-08:00

The bleeding. The first time, it lasted 16 days. The second time, 29 days. Today is day 17, and it's still with me. The reminder that we've lost another, a could've, would've, should've been. The reminder that I won't be a mother again this July. The reminder that we can't start trying again until it stops, that I can't start living again until it stops.I want it to stop now. Not soon, not

Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12290007044439581358noreply@blogger.com3